Dear Diary, Am I Doing Something Wrong?

DSC00293The truth is, working for yourself is extremely hard. I wouldn’t recommend it for the faint of heart. It’s a lot of rejection and you have to be in a constant state of determination when sometimes all you want to do is curl in the corner and cry. One thing I wanted to do this year was be more transparent with you guys and write more on this blog. So here we go…

I started blogging for fun, it was my “website” I didn’t know what a blog was at the time. I was primarily focused on my music career so I had always had a website for that. I just gradually started posting fashion pictures and basically the rest is history. Fast forward 6 years later and I took the plunge to fully commit 100% to blogging. To be honest I wish I thought of it sooner, I wished ┬ál believed it in sooner but I didn’t. And sometimes I wonder if it’s too late?

I know it all looks glamorous on the outside, I look pretty, I wear nice clothes gifted by brands, but to be honest gifted clothes don’t pay your bills and I have struggles like anyone else. I suffer from anxiety because nothing is guaranteed for me I have to work for every penny. And I chose that life and deep down inside I love that life. But what do you do when you work so hard, and put your best foot forward and it seems like nothing is working?

I can’t say I don’t have days I don’t want to give up and get that steady paycheck again. Today is one of those days. Currently trying my hardest not to crawl into that hole but Lord knows it is hard. I’m going to keep going though, I’m going to keep praying, and I’m going to be open to a change.

It’s hard when you see people cheat their way to the top and it’s even harder when you know certain girls work more because they fit the stereotypical look this fashion world STILL upholds. I never ever like to play the race card but after years of this I’ve learned it definitely plays a factor. With that there are many things in life that don’t seem “fair” Im sure no matter what field you enter.

I start counseling today and I’m excited to try something new to help keep me going. My mom is a therapist and I grew up knowing the importance of it but never went. I urge anyone who struggles with anxiety, circumstantial depression or ANYTHING that alters your thoughts and behaviors to seek counseling. It doesn’t mean your weak, it actually means you’re strong enough to recognize you need help.

I’ll keep you posted on my journey and feel free to share yours, whats the point of an internet community if we don’t communicate? Even though I feel a little vulnerable posting this, I wanted to share with you. Especially to those who think people on the internets lives are so perfect. Trust me, you only see the highlight reel.

Thanks for reading and thanks for following along on this crazy 6 year journey.

xx

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9 Comments

  1. 2nd March 2017 / 3:06 pm

    Love the transparency of this post. I just began my blogging journey but I do know exactly what you mean about the lack of fairness in this industry. Just keep grinding and don’t feel bad we all going though it girl!! Love the blog!!

  2. Lo
    2nd March 2017 / 6:45 pm

    Hey,

    Keep sharing. I definitely love your blog. Nothing in life comes easy. Keep giving life to this blog. I will keep reading. xoxo

  3. 6th March 2017 / 9:53 am

    I decided to actually dive into the blog today, just to check in and see how you were doing…I’m glad I did! Keep going cuz. I’m praying for you. You are an inspiration to many, especially me. You are soooooo brave! I’m glad you are seeking counseling. I helped me tremendously in the past. #keepgrinding

  4. aaron lowe
    6th March 2017 / 8:46 pm

    ENOCHA I am glad to see you’re still sharing your talent you have an amazing gift . I will keep you in my prayers.

  5. 8th March 2017 / 2:34 am

    Oh! Enocha for having the courage alone to share this it shows you are a strong woman. you will pull through I believe. thanks for being honest.

  6. Paula
    14th March 2017 / 10:41 am

    Best of luck to you and I know you will continue to move forward in your journey. Remember, this journey is not ours, but the Lord’s. It will happen for you in His time, not ours…something I’ve had to repeat to myself over and over throughout my whole life. When I came to really believe that, I saw blessing after blessing come my way. It will for you too. Love your blog, keep pushing and you will continue to make strides in this career you have chosen. Many Blessings.

    • Enocha Tellus
      Author
      14th March 2017 / 5:32 pm

      Thank you so much for this reminder. I truly appreciate you taking the time to comment and I needed to hear that! xoxo

  7. Bids
    26th April 2017 / 8:37 am

    i actually just discovered your blog today and I love it! you’re amazing, your style is incredible and your diys make me pray for more creativity. keep at it, keep going and don’t stop. yes my words may not pay the bills but at least know that your voice is heard and your words resonate with so many people, including myself.

    rooting for you!
    Bids
    http://www.bidsingraceland.com

    p.s. apologies for the caps (comp error)

    • Enocha Tellus
      Author
      29th April 2017 / 4:53 pm

      Thanks so much love!

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